A short story: Living Alone

"I just want to live alone"

-Illustration by my little sister-

At the crack of dawn, Lin Ailian reflexively rises from her bed, squints her eyes and puts on her slippers, and quickly walks into the kitchen. The whole process takes less than ten seconds. She slowly raises her heavy eyelids. What greets her is not a gas stove or a refrigerator, but an empty four-layer shoe rack.

This pine shoe rack was crafted by her little granddaughter. Lin Ailian didn't want to put her dirty shoes on it, so it became the only decoration in the room. Slightly to the right, there are three pairs of shoes neatly lined up right next to each other on the floor. Lin Ailian owns only four pairs of shoes. One pair is the house slippers she’s stepping on, one pair is the soft-soled sandals she wears in summer, one pair is the handmade leather-soled cloth shoes she wears for walking around nearby, and the remaining pair is the mesh hiking shoes she wears only when she goes hiking.

Whenever she went to the mountain trails in the suburbs for a hike with the old man, Lin Ailian would put on this hiking shoes, a rare expensive birthday gift the old man bought her three years ago. Looking at the shoes shelved for a year, Lin Ailian's toes instinctively curl up. Obviously, the shoes is the lightest and most comfortable one, but why did they only leave her with sore and aching feelings? Thinking about this, Lin Ailian turns away her gaze.

Is today a special day? Thinking hard for seconds, Lin Ailian finds the answer. May 17th. It's been exactly a year since she'd moved here. She squeezes her brow with two fingers. Sleepiness pours into her suddenly. Before the sunlight creeps into the house, Lin Ailian decides to go back to bed and nap for a while.

Before nine thirty, Lin Ailian wakes up again. She grabs her cell phone sitting on the nightstand, leans against the bed, wearing her presbyopia glasses and opening her unread chatting messages in order.

—— Mom, we're heading home today. Come back and have dinner.

—— Big son is coming home today.

—— Mom, what do you want to eat? Braised fish or Mapo Tofu?

—— Mom, it's been a year already. You should be ready to move back home these days.

—— Mom, I just transferred you this month's alimony.

—— Grandma Ailian, Look what I made!

—— We're having a gathering tomorrow. Would you like to join us?

......

After reading all of unread messages, she backs to one of the chats.

—— Maybe next time.

She types.

Motivated by her retired neighbors, Lin Ailian joined an elderly photography club that gathered occasionally last winter. Although it’s called the elderly photography club, almost all of the members are at least ten years younger than her.

She enjoys attending photography gatherings, it's a great community to spend leisure time happily. She just doesn't feel much like going out this afternoon.

“Maybe next time.” If I reply like this, will they think I've lost interest in the club?

Lin Ailian want to find a random excuse to refuse the invitation, but she’s too old to tell pointless lies. There should be nothing wrong with such a simple and direct reply. After a few seconds of hesitation, Lin Ailian clicks the send button.

—— It looks delicious!

—— I really wanna try it!

Then, she taps on the food photo sent by little granddaughter, pinching and zooming in and out with her fingers, admiring it from every angle. Back in the chat window, she scrolls up the conversation log and carefully types the two sentences the way her granddaughter phrases her words. Should they be sent together or separately? After struggling for a while, she deletes the second sentence, hits the send button for the first sentence, and then rewrite and send out the one she just deleted.

Who to reply to next? Lin Ailian hits the chat window of her third son. He sent a red envelope labeled "Alimony" to her. The last time she received alimony from her sons was four months ago. Although she told her sons many times that she didn't need their money, they continue to send her alimony from time to time. It’s difficult for her to refuse their money directly, so she choose to send it back to her daughters-in-law each time and tells them to keep it a secret.

She reaches the chat window of her third daughter-in-law. As her thumb is about to touch the screen, Lin Ailian withdraw her hand. No, not now. If she send it now, maybe the rest of the family will know that she's using the phone. Then the old man would be furious with her for not coming home on purpose. If she go home today, they will definitely mention the moving back home thing. Lin Ailian decides to send this electronic red envelope back to the third daughter-in-law tomorrow.

There are a few messages she needs to respond to, but her eyes are a little tired. She put down her phone, temporarily ignoring the messages from the old man, her big son, her big daughter-in-law, her second son, her little son and several acquaintances.

Glancing around the one-bedroom apartment filled with many traces of her own life, she remembers the scene when she asked her family for permission to move in here.

---

"Mom! Are you thinking about divorcing dad? "

"Are you going to leave Dad all alone at home? "

"Mom, please don't be so absurd! You're already 77 years old! "

A year ago, Lin Ailian gathered her family for a reunion and proposed the idea of living alone in front of everybody. The reaction of her family was exactly as she expected. However, what Lin Ailian didn't anticipate was that they all subconsciously assumed that she wanted a divorce.

"It's not about divorce. I just want to live alone."

"What's the difference? " Her big son asked, looking confused.

"How could it be the same? Didn't you also leave home and live alone for several years after you graduated from college? Does that mean you cut off all ties with me as your mother? " Lin Ailian explained.

The big son nodded slightly, seemed to understand the point she was trying to convey. However, the second son quickly interjected, pointing out the logical flaws in her words.

"Mom, that's not the same thing at all. These are two different types of relationships. Moreover, the brother and sister-in-law have been living together harmoniously since their marriage. Is it appropriate for couples to live apart on purpose?"

"Do you remember 20 years ago when you and daughter-in-law were separated for more than 3 years because you were sent abroad for work?"

"Come on! That’s not a separation. We just had to live apart temporarily because the conditions did not allow it." The second son argued.

"Did that affect your marital relationship?" Although her logic was still a bit flawed, Lin Ailian continued to explain: "Well, I just want to live alone, like how you lived on your own when you were younger. And it doesn't mean I want a divorce."

"I can't understand why you do this, especially at such an old age."

Lin Ailian glanced at her husband, who had remained silent the whole time, like a live grenade ready to explode at any moment. Before he would blew up, Lin Ailian seized the opportunity to continue.

"I've lived for seventy-seven years, and never had a room that was truly my own. All I want is just the personal space, which you all used to ask me for. Are you guys pretending not to understand?"

That last sentence didn't need to be said. Lin Ailian felt a bit chagrined. She should’ve grasped the proportion. If her words were too heavy, it would be unhelpful for the negotiation. Lin Ailian decided to make a killer move.

“As you said, I have few years left to live. Can't you fulfill this small request for your old, old mom?”

This worked. Now even the eloquent second son had nothing more to say. Then the sons all looked over at their father.

The old man still remained silent, with a displeased look. At the moment, the third son, who had not spoken, opened his mouth:

"What about dad? What about him if you leave home?"

Obviously, this was a major concern for the family. What the sons really worried about were: If mom moved away, who would cook meals? who would do the housework? who would take care of dad?

"What are you saying? I have arms and legs, it sounds like I can't live without your mother!" The old man couldn't help interposing out of anger.

Lin Ailian frowned as she watched the spittle fly from the old man's mouth to her third son's face. Feeling her mouth a little dry, she picked up the cup of water in front of her and took a sip.

The old man cleared his throat, turning his head to her:

"You shouldn't pressurize the sons. Think about it, how can they feel comfortable letting their old mother live alone? We're too old to burden our sons, aren't we? "

"I don't see why this is a burden." said Lin Ailian, “My living capacity is better than all of you put together. Also, I'm in quite good health, you all saw my annual checkup report two months ago, right?”

The three sons looked at each other, without saying a word.

"Well, it's not impossible for you to move out." The old man compromised. Lin Ailian waited for his next words.

"But Three months is enough, right? You just want to experience the thrill of living alone, three months is totally enough."

Lin Ailian knew that this was the greatest tolerance her husband could give her. But she still want to negotiate a little more.

"Three months......it's only a season. Well you're right, I just want to experience the feelings of living alone. But I need more time. Different seasons, different experiences, and that's what's enough for me. So I need a year. "

"You need to move back home in a year. " The old man reluctantly agreed.

"Deal. " Said Lin Ailian, "Then no one has any objection to this, right?"

"Mom, you have no idea about the market. Nowadays, landlords don't rent houses to the elderly easily. Even people over forty have a hard time trying to rent a good house."

"You don't need to worry about that." Lin Ailian couldn't hide her smile and said, "I've already found a good apartment."

"What?!" The four men exclaimed at the same time.

"When exactly did you start plotting this thing?" The old man asked, with a whole face scrunched up.

"Hmm," Lin Ailian raised her eyebrows, "It's a secret."

Although the day ended smoothly, the sons began to encourage their wives, daughters or sons to call Lin Ailian for the living-alone thing after returned homes. Lin Ailian was so annoyed, hung up their phones after a few perfunctory words.

After that day, the old man started a cold war with her. He didn't say a word to her, and even moved the pillows and bedding from their bedroom to the guest room until the day she moved out. His behavior was really childish. Though Lin Ailian felt a little dissatisfied with this, she decided not to argue with him since she’d already achieved her goal. He’s someone who kept his words. She knew that.

If one had to dig deeper, Lin Ailian could trace back everything to the smartphone gifted by her second son, or more precisely, because of her young granddaughter, the second son's daughter.

Half a year before the move, the second son bought two large-screen smartphones as gifts for his parents. At first, the old man stubbornly stuck to his outdated keypad phone. He disliked hassle. However, with the help of her sons, Lin Ailian quickly picked up some basic functions and soon mastered the tricks, completely abandoning her old phone.

Whenever the sons came to visit their parents, they spend some time teaching Lin Ailian some important features of her smartphone. They helped her download and teach her to use the new apps based on her personal preferences. After watching Lin Ailian start video chatting with their sons for about a month, the old man finally motivated to learn how to use his new phone. Gradually, this family even created a family group chat.

Almost all of Lin Ailian's chatting contacts were family, whereas the retired professor had a wider circle of chatting friends. Since the retired professor created his chatting account, some of his former students, colleagues, and acquaintances sent him friend requests. In under a month, his chatting contacts surpassed 300. The couple inadvertently engaged in a competition over smartphone skills, number of chatting contacts, and message response rates. While Lin Ailian lagged behind in the first two areas, they surprisingly matched in the third.

"Who exactly are you chatting with? Are you doing online dating like the younger generation?”

Lin Ailian ignored the old man's teasing and immersed herself in pleasant conversations with someone on the other end of the line, not hiding the upturned corners of her mouth and occasional laughter.

The person who chatted daily with Lin Ailian online was the second son's daughter, the little granddaughter.

The twenty-one-year-old granddaughter was a senior at a university in a neighboring city, majoring in sociology, a field she insisted on enrolling in despite her parents' objections. One day, during a visit with her mother, she inadvertently left behind a book on painting theory in the sofa. On its title page were eleven numbers followed by five exclamation points. Lin Ailian suspected these might be her granddaughter's mobile number, left as a precaution. She wasn't sure who the owner of the number was. However, according to her second son, the little granddaughter was a careless child who always losing things. There’s a strong possibility that the owner of the phone number was the little granddaughter herself.

Lin Ailian felt a burst of excitement, as if she had discovered a precious treasure. She’d always loved her little granddaughter, but they didn't see each other often. Due to the stiff relationship between the little granddaughter and the second son, the little granddaughter did not come to her grandparents' house as often as other grandchildren.

Two evenings later, while Lin Ailian was showering, a bright idea struck her to confirm the true owner of the number—by adding the chatting contact through a phone number search. Quickly dressing, she grabbed her phone and confirmed her suspicion. As she expected, the contact's picture is the little granddaughter.

—— Is "History of Art Development" your book? I saw a cell phone number inside.

Within a minute, the little granddaughter passed Lin Ailian's friend request.

—— I do have that book. But I didn't know it was lost...

—— It sounds like you don't remember where you lost the book.

—— I think I saw it today, maybe.

—— Are you sure?

—— Not really...

Lin Ailian was having fun chatting with her granddaughter, she decided to keep her true identity a secret for now.

—— I'm your schoolmate. I found it on a bench. I went to school to handle some stuff today.

—— On a bench? But I didn't sit on a bench today.

Lin Ailian quickly had a brainwave and continued to reply:

——I think someone picked it up somewhere else and threw it away.

—— Luckily you picked it up!

—— Could you send me an address? I'll send it to you by courier tomorrow.

—— Sure thing. Thank you very much!

—— You’re welcome.

—— May I ask your name?

Lin Ailian. My name is Lin Ailian. Lin Ailian murmured. Should I make up a name? But then she suspected that no one had told her little granddaughter anything about her real name. After much thoughts, Lin Ailian chose to hide her last name.

—— I’m Ailian. And you?

—— What a beautiful name you have. You can call me Shizhen.

—— Nice to meet you, Shizhen.

Since then, Lin Ailian and her little granddaughter had become online friends that speak freely to each other.

Because of marriage and motherhood, Lin Ailian departed from the workforce at a young age. At the age of twenty-one, she fell in love with a college student from the same village and had their first child within two years. Over the next six decades, Lin Ailian, a high school graduate, dedicated most of her scarce free time to reading books alongside managing her household and caring for her children. Despite having excellent eyesight in her youth, she began wearing glasses in her thirties. Beginning with story collections bought from roadside book vendors, then sharing a bookshelf with her husband, and eventually frequenting local libraries, Lin Ailian quietly evolved into a knowledgeable woman, though few knew about this.

Lin Ailian considered herself lucky. Simply helping her mother buy a bag of rice led her to meet the only college student in the village. Raising three children had its challenges, but her husband's secure job ensured financial stability. Their children grew up healthy and developed into distinguished adults, for which she’s extremely grateful. Despite her husband's worsening temper with age, he’s generally a pretty good person.

She never thought she could be even luckier now.

Shizhen is a very expressive girl with a unique perspective and strong personality, distinct from the silent daughter her father depicted and the reserved granddaughter Lin Ailian once knew. In just ten minutes of conversation with her, the world seemed to expand by hundreds of hectares. Lin Ailian engaged deeply in discussions with Shizhen, eager to grasp the way young people talk, the latest internet slangs, and the various social issues she mentioned, striving to keep pace with her.

Lin Ailian checked Moments a dozen times everyday to see if Shizhen had posted anything. Shizhen loved sharing. Whether it was her handmade crafts, her paintings, emojis she created, movies she watched, books she read, cafes or restaurants she visited, or friends she met, she always documented them online with words and pictures. Since family members couldn't view her personal updates, even the second son and daughter-in-law missed out on getting to know her well. What a pity! Lin Ailian often felt thankful for having this stolen precious opportunity.

One day, Lin Ailian checked Moments as usual. She quickly noticed that Shizhen had just shared a post about living independently. Shortly after, Shizhen sent her a few photos in their private chat. Some of these photos had been posted in Moments, while others were sent specifically to her.

—— Ailian, I'm finally living alone!

Even though Shizhen called her by her first name every day, Lin Ailian felt a little embarrassed.

—— Congratulations! I'm so happy for you.

Typing those two sentences, Lin Ailian's nose soured a little bit.

After college admissions, Shizhen picked up paintbrushes again. Her preferred major was Fine Arts, but she couldn't convince her parents to support her to be an art student during her first year of high school. While studying as a sociology student, she dedicated a lot of time to honing her painting skills and eventually started earning a living through her art.

Lin Ailian remembered how Shizhen used to sketch secretly during middle school classes, leading to a decline in her grades. In response, her father chose to address the issue by destroying all her art supplies and creations. This incident occurred while Lin Ailian and her husband were visiting their second son's family. Faced with her father's aggression, Shizhen didn't cry or object. She simply observed the entire event with a cold look, then slipped on her sneakers without socks before leaving the house. Passing by Lin Ailian without a word, she cast a frosty glance that seemed to say, "look what your son did."

—— Being an adult is really great. I can do whatever I want and no one could stop me any more.

Shizhen once told her.

Roughly two months ago, Shizhen visited a friend who had recently relocated to a new home. That visit ignited a desire for independence in her, leading to her current solo living arrangement. Lin Ailian was amazed by how quickly her little granddaughter turned her aspirations into reality.

Would she have realized her dream faster if her dad hadn't broken her paintbrushes? If I had raised him differently, would he have been less domineering and controlling? These thoughts troubled Lin Ailian, lingering in her mind for a long time.

Afterward, Lin Ailian continued to have occasional chats with Shizhen. Their bond deepened, making Lin Ailian increasingly guilty about concealing her true identity.

Despite Shizhen's repeated invitations to meet, Lin Ailian politely declined each time, citing being busy recently.

Honestly, she truly wished to meet her little granddaughter as her authentic self. Moreover, she hoped to maintain their friendship. She wanted to become the kind of friend with Shizhen who could meet to chat about various topics, dine out together, and even visit each other's homes from time to time. Yet, how many granddaughters in the world are truly willing to be friends with their grandmothers?

At the cusp of spring and summer, Shizhen shared a housing rental ad on Moments:

“My friend's apartment is available for rent at a low price! It’s a one-room apartment with a practical area exceeding 30 square meters, situated less than 300 meters from Lake Park Station on subway line 2. Photos attached—feel free to message me if interested.”

Upon seeing this post, Lin Ailian's heart raced. She recognized the location of that subway station. Shizhen's home was also in that area. She felt it was an opportunity, although she couldn't precisely define it.

In her mind, she uncontrollably pictured scenes of Shizhen and her strolling in the lake park next to the subway station, dining together at nearby restaurants, and even eating after-meal fruits together in that apartment that was up for rent. These scenes were so appealing that her interest in that unnecessary apartment intensified.

She scrutinized the six apartment photos Shizhen had shared, becoming more emotional with each glance. Why did she feel the need for an apartment? She tried to stay composed. It was just a young person's place—what could an elderly woman like her do there? As she thought this, more scenes floated into her mind: a bookshelf just for her, more time for reading, undisturbed sleep, less household chores......

She knew it wasn't a simple matter, but she feared losing the apartment if she hesitated too long.

——I want to talk about your friend's apartment with you. And, I have something very important to tell you.

Lin Ailian typed these words with trembling hands, and hit the send button.

---

Lin Ailian puts on her outdoor clothes and walks to the balcony, letting the sunlight flood her wrinkled face. Living alone surpasses her expectations. A year? Far from enough. Squinting at the sun, she marvels at its brilliance. Each day she wakes up is a stroke of luck.

She's got a movie date with Shizhen tonight. Until then, she can knock out the novel with a hundred pages left. For lunch, she would order the pork chop rice Shizhen recommended a few days ago. When did she last sweep the floor? Perhaps two days ago. Well, she'll do it again tomorrow. As for dinner, she might ask Shizhen if she would like to dine out.

She lets out a sigh as another notification illuminates her phone.

.

Finished on July 31

---

This is my second short story. I hope you enjoy reading it.

If you like the story, feel free to share your thoughts below, it means a lot to me. You can also support me by hitting the *like* button. Thank you so much for reading!